when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
