I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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