and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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