im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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