they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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