I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
