You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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