We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
