i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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