hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
