He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
