Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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