I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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