Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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