I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
