no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
