Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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