and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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