Don't you send me to vm
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
