im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
