We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
