if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
