you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
