His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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