i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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