Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
