So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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