that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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