...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
