using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
God, I missed his penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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