I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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