you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
