I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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