you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
