yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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