Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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