He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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