the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
