He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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