Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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