We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
