I want to have your abortion
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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