just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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