and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
