If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
