Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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