He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
