you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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