but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize