That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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