he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
