Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out

Fav 5 929 1043
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(440): View more from Ohio

Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."

Fav 10 3373 922
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(765): View more from Indiana

I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

Fav 26 9834 1406
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

Fav 80 14789 1420
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(817): View more from Texas

I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating

Fav 8 6119 1796
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(312): View more from Illinois

Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?

Fav 33 3614 3911
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(443): View more from Maryland

You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.

Fav 5 1643 734
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(281): View more from Texas

I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult

Fav 0 79 16
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