She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
