me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize