He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
