it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Congratulations! We have a period
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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