you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
MIDGETS
????
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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