he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
