That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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